Three Steps For Women Who Feel Uncomfortable Asking For More.

Here are the three steps to #negotiation for those women who feel uncomfortable asking for more.

1. Understand that Negotiation is a conversation that seeks to find a satisfactory outcome for everyone.

2. The purpose of your negotiation is to give as much as you get.

3. The best and easiest way to start that conversation is to focus on the needs of your bargaining partner.

EXAMPLE: negotiating #speaker #fees.

I am often told by the women who are committee heads for law firm women’s initiatives that they don’t have the money to pay me to speak to or train their women because they are not funded. I do not say, “oh, ok, I understand. I’ll work for free.” Nor do I simply say, “sorry, I can’t speak for free.”

Here’s what I do.

I commiserate with them about their having been given a committee assignment without the funds necessary to achieve the committee’s goals. Then I ask how their committee work is going. They share their disappointments with me and I empathize with that. We build trust that way – one of the most important conditions for a successful negotiation.

I’m not apparently engaged in bargaining behavior. I’m having a conversation that I hope will lead to my being paid. I’m not being insincere – I genuinely believe women’s initiatives should be funded and it irritates me that they’re not. It also irritates the women I talk to. We’re bonding. It’s real but it also has a purpose.

Eventually, I say something along the lines of “hey! what if we could find a way to get you more money, not only for me, but for other experts who would help your women achieve their career goals.”

“How do I do that?”

“Let’s see if there’s another line item in the firm budget that you could use to bring talented women in to help your women learn how to benefit themselves and the well-being of your firm by being better leaders, more savvy negotiators, and better agents of their own careers.”

Usually, we find money in library funds or marketing budgets. I help the women who want to hire me to raise the funds they need to do so.

It’s not exactly an act of selfless generosity – but it’s not entirely self-serving and it doesn’t risk damaging a relationship. In fact, it improves my relationships. It’s “win win.”