The First Rule for Men Who are Negotiating with Women

Don’t Think She’s Not Negotiating With You

Seasoned negotiators will tell you that the most dangerous negotiation is one you don’t know you’re having. People in general, but particularly men, are still unused to women negotiating on their own behalves.

And it remains true today that women negotiate for their own benefit far less than men do. And often apologetically as if they continue to think they need to be grateful simply for having been let into the “room where it happens.

But no one can any longer assume that a woman will not be negotiating on her own behalf. Particularly high performing women in professional, managerial and executive roles. Not only is the new generation –schooled in negotiation strategy and tactics – beginning to break out of this particular gender role, but women of all generations are actively participating in workshops teaching them the most effective negotiation skills, including those that avoid or lessen the impact of gender bias.

Employee Resource Groups in particular have the blessing of their employers to hire experts to teach them how to negotiate promotions, raises, more material and Human Resources and a better work-life balance - this latter goal as important for men as it is for women.

It may seem to you as if you’re simply having a pleasant conversation with a woman applicant, a lawyer seeking equity partnership, a business woman angling for the C-suite or even a clerical employee seeking to move into management.

If she’s bold enough to be negotiating on her own behalf, assume that she knows what she’s doing. No one ever got hornswaggled by over-estimating their opponent but many is the negotiator who doesn’t know what hit him as a result of underestimating the preparation, skill and savvy of their bargaining partner.

And you may not know that the best negotiation strategy - interest-based negotiation - relies on numerous skills at which women are naturals - creating trust, hope and safety, engaging in small talk, and, most importantly, learning what is most important to you in crafting her strategic theme as creating as much benefit for you and your business as it will create for her.

So, gentle male readers, stay alert and wait for the next installment of this series. There are four more rules to help men negotiate with their female superiors, peers and subordinates.