A CLIENT SPEAKS ABOUT WORKING WITH SHE NEGOTIATES
After ten years of experience advising women how to achieve the maximum benefit from their careers, I still have a hard time communicating what our work together looks, sounds and perhaps more importantly, feels like. A recent client took the time to write me a lovely letter expressing her gratitude in the most specific terms. I thought her letter might help anyone who is considering hiring a career coach/consultant to push for the next promotion, obliterate the wage gap, or recover from recession-era compensation.
I’m dividing the letter (in italics) into the various stages of our work. And let me say this. The results we produce are not just about us. The results are co-created. I can’t accomplish anything without the brilliance, insight, skill, education, and wisdom of my clients, all of whom enrich my life as much or more than I enrich and empower theirs.
Without further ado:
Preparation
Confidence requires a plan
Women ask me to help them sound, or actually, be, more confident. I tell them that no one can credibly be confident without a plan. Whether you put that plan down on paper and carry it in your purse as a security blanket or prepare a slide deck to help your negotiation partner re-calibrate the position you have in the context of the work you actually do, confidence comes from planning each step of the process. As my recent client explained:
Victoria helped me prepare for the ask by helping me create a solid general outline for the conversation. Victoria also gave me some exact phrases to use at key points in the conversation with my boss and that was super helpful. I think those phrases helped seal the huge raise.
To prepare you for your raise, promotion, ownership interest, bonus structure and the like, I ask you questions that invariably reveal the opportunities you’ve seized, the obstacles you’ve overcome and the significant contribution you - and only you - are making and will continue to make to your company or organization. I’ve counseled MBAs, PhD’s, lawyers, architects, surgeons, scientists, start-up founders, financial analysts, fund-raisers, and, women on the verge of joining their company’s C-suite, among others.
They all underestimate their value. Every. Single. One. of. Them. And I’m not just a cheerleader (““You is kind. You is smart. You is important.”) I help pinpoint my client’s contributions to revenue, cost savings, organizational change and management, and whatever other specific contributions they make. I often hear, “gee I never thought of it that way.” That’s because we’re all, each and every one of us, a little stuck in our own heads, magnifying our failures and diminishing our successes. Everyone needs a knowledgeable, objective, empathic third party to help them rearrange the narrative of their career trajectory.
IT TAKES TWO
The subjective experience
My client on the inner transformation:
Just as important as the phrasing for the ask [Victoria helped] me make a huge mental shift regarding my worth in the current job market.
Victoria helped me see that my pie in the sky/ beyond my dreams salary number was actually low and reasonable and doable.
By helping me see that, I was then ready to make the ask. And if for some reason I didn’t get it, I felt supported enough and confident enough to go out and find another position that would pay me what I’m worth.
Victoria helped me by boosting my confidence and validating me before I made the ask.
The whole process of working with Victoria had a bigger impact than just boosting my income.
The process of asking to be more fairly compensated helped me realize how low my self worth and self esteem were. Once I realized that, then I could start working on boosting my confidence and self esteem. Those are not quick fixes. That will take a longer more sustained effort but you can’t work on it if you don’t identify the issue first. I felt like this process shined a light on my self-esteem issues and that was helpful.
This process also gave me the confidence to ask for what I need from my partner and demand more respect and fairness in my relationship. My partner is a great guy. But when your earnings are vastly different it is easy for power dynamics in a relationship to be skewed. Fairer compensation and more self confidence helped me realize it was time to reset the relationship power dynamic too. This is an ongoing effort and I know he views it as a positive change too.
This process also helped me to notice when I use words that minimize my career, position and accomplishments so that I can stop minimizing myself when talking to others.
Last, this process helped me feel more comfortable addressing other issues at work and my relationship with my boss.
show me the money
And the confidence to achieve greater results
My salary went from 86k to just over 120k. That kind of raise is life changing. Now I can afford to aggressively pay my student loans down and more appropriately save for retirement.
Overall, this was the single best investment/ purchase I made this year!
Thank you so much for your excellent help and support!